Promptcore Records

Oi—look at this mess.
Plants lookin’ rough like they’re beefin’ with the address…

My fern’s gone brittle, attitude vile,
Leaves curled in like they’re duckin’ a trial.
Brown spots bangin’ out a postcode war,
Pothos slumped heavy on the cold tile floor.

Soil all swamp—yeah, that’s gone wrong,
Whole flat stinks like decay too strong.
Shake the pot once—stem acts deceased,
Dead weight droppin’ like it’s beggin’ for peace.

Why you twistin’ up? Why you leanin’ rude?
Actin’ like a gremlin in a three-quid mood.
Fed you, cleaned you—still you whinge?
Swear you’re one bad leaf from an unhinge.

Leaf chaos—no joke, no glam,
Plants kickin’ off like “who’s your fam?”
Spots, rot, mould—full-on clash,
Green gang riot in a windowsill crash.
Leaf chaos—madness, grime,
Every single day they commit a new crime.
Not cute, not calm—just pure disrespect,
Whole plant squad movin’ like they’re beggin’ eject.

Spider mites lurkin’, runnin’ their scam,
Whole infestation yellin’ “we run land.”
Scrub, spray, wipe—nah, still stay,
Tiny little ops in a sneaky ballet.

Snake plant stiff like “don’t get me involved,”
Monstera wild—mystery unsolved.
Big tear down the middle like it’s makin’ a scene,
Actin’ avant-garde when it’s barely even green.

Humidity? Bruv, jog on, behave.
You live near a radiator—ain’t no spa cave.
You want mist, soft light, champagne shower?
Fam, you cost less than a Tesco meal-deal hour.

Leaf chaos—no joke, no glam,
Plants kickin’ off like “who’s your fam?”
Spots, rot, mould—full-on clash,
Green gang riot in a windowsill crash.
Leaf chaos—madness, grime,
Every single day they commit a new crime.
Not cute, not calm—just pure disrespect,
Whole plant squad movin’ like they’re beggin’ eject.

Alright then—shape up, don’t slack.
One more tantrum, you’re gettin’ moved out back.
Leaf chaos—state of the place.
Didn’t think houseplants would test my grace.